What Religion is Your Bra?

   
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."  "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"  "Look around," said the saleslady.  As she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.  "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."   Relieved, the man asked about the types.

    The saleslady replied: "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.  Which one would you prefer?"  Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple.  
         
    The Catholic type Supports the masses; The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;  The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills." 

 

 Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?  If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

       
    (A} Almost Boobs...
    {B} Barely there...
    {C} Can't Complain!...
    {D} Dang!...
    {DD} Double dang!......
    {E} Enormous!...
    {F} Fake...
    {G} Get a Reduction...
    {H} Help me, I've fallen And I can't get up!...

       


    They forgot the German bra.
    Holtzemfromfloppen 

   

MY Brain is Saying I should be ready for this!

But my Heart is saying I'm  Not nor will I Ever be..

 My mother is in the hospital (Procnosis is not Good at all)..Really I don't know which one is the hardest for me..I was in that bed 5 years ago  (And now I'm thinking it was worse for my loved one's that was beside my bed instead of for me,that was in it) I remember there was this one Dr. every morning when I was in there Rubbing my feet and covering them up and saying You Hang in there, Don't Give up!  I find myself doing the same thing to my mom (And really she has always hated for anyone to touch her feet) but I will do it anyways..Cause thats the way I'm feeling right now.

Ole Blue

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college.
Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education
is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula
that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue
in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says
"and I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester,
the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you
just won't believe this -- they've had such good results
they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue
in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog
can neither talk, nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father
is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read
something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday
morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was
in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading
the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".

"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy
still messing around with that little redhead who lives
down the street?"

The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot
that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in
Washington D.C. as a Congressman.

Useful Dog Tricks performed by Jesse

I wish that I was Jesse's Girl

My kind of Program

I tried it, I liked it & I think you will too !!


The  older we get the more important it is to  incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.


Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
 
SCROLL DOWN.............

NOW SCROLL UP..
That's enough for the first day.  Great job.

Have a glass of water.

Sick Leave

Sick Leave


I urgently needed a few days off work, but,
I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then
she would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb
so that the Boss might thinks I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office
and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'

I told her I was a light bulb.

She said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me,
the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'


She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.

a Telemarketers nightmare

Waiting for my next caller