Sunday, January 30, 2011

MY Brain is Saying I should be ready for this!

But my Heart is saying I'm  Not nor will I Ever be..

 My mother is in the hospital (Procnosis is not Good at all)..Really I don't know which one is the hardest for me..I was in that bed 5 years ago  (And now I'm thinking it was worse for my loved one's that was beside my bed instead of for me,that was in it) I remember there was this one Dr. every morning when I was in there Rubbing my feet and covering them up and saying You Hang in there, Don't Give up!  I find myself doing the same thing to my mom (And really she has always hated for anyone to touch her feet) but I will do it anyways..Cause thats the way I'm feeling right now.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Ole Blue

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college.
Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education
is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula
that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue
in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says
"and I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester,
the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you
just won't believe this -- they've had such good results
they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue
in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog
can neither talk, nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father
is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read
something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday
morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was
in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading
the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".

"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy
still messing around with that little redhead who lives
down the street?"

The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot
that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in
Washington D.C. as a Congressman

Sunday, January 23, 2011

My kind of Program

I tried it, I liked it & I think you will too !!

The  older we get the more important it is to  incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

SCROLL DOWN.............

That's enough for the first day.  Great job.

Have a glass of water.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Sick Leave

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but,
I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then
she would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb
so that the Boss might thinks I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office
and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'

I told her I was a light bulb.

She said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me,
the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'

She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

How to Wash the Cat

How to Wash the Cat - by The Dog

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet (this step is optional).

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted .

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, he is actually enjoying this.)

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Maybe this job really isn't for me

My  1 day of employment  

So, after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart  greeter,
a good find for many retirees, I lasted less  than a day...

About two hours into my first  day on the job a very loud,  

unattractive,  mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,  yelling obscenities at them all the way through the  entrance.

I  said pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.  

Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The  ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Hell  no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's  7.   Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you  blind, or stupid?"


So  I replied,
"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I  just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good  day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

My  supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Mom's therapy has started (2 days now)

Day 1, Therapist is a nice lady but tough (Exactly what she needs) Over the last 6 months mom has become totally dependent on us  girls not wanting, nor trying to do anything for herself. Instead she knows  she just has to yell (Sometime loud) in case one of us didn't hear her the first time she yelled (to change the TV channel) I've already decided!  I'm not getting her a bell to ring.

Day 2, Mom's complaining to me that she just can't take the therapy and wants to cancel it (Not a chance that will happen) but mom is a little sneaky She tries to go over my head..(As though she could, I'm the tallest girl out of the family) Needless to say day 2 did happen today, and it went well.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

My Mom

 My mom is 83 years old (Shhh! Don't tell her I told her age) She's sensitive about that kind of thing...Guess that's where I got it from..

    She's been going through some health problems over the past year. Last night she was taken to the hospital and I spent the night there with her (As well as 6 of my sisters)   She had fell and hit her head and had to have 3 staples put in. Her blood pressure was high (Which has never been before) and they gave her a blood pressure pill which made her go into irregular heart beats.(Ofcourse they were short staffed at the hospital) So it took awhile to get her heart beat back to normal, After all that they decide well she can go home! We were all shocked that they wouldn't want to keep her for observation..
    She was discharged and they wheeled her out to the  emergency parking deck to load her into the car....She was in the car no more than a minute or two and couldn't breath (I've never been more scared for her in my life) They rushed her back into the emergency room and her oxygen level was down to 60 . At which time they readmitted her into the hospital for a second time. You would think that this time they would have kept her a day at least! But no! After they got her oxygen level back to normal. They realeased her to go home again (With an oxygen tank to go home with her) Needless to say the hospital got at least 7 complaints today..She is resting today at a sisters house (We will take turns watching after her) The only thing I can say is our Medical System here sucks..(And I know this from my own experiences in the past) Please keep my mom (Thelma) in your prayers..She will follow up with her regular Doctor.
This is my MOM (Picture taken New Years Day 2011) Shhh! Not a Great pic.(I took it) but don't let her see it