Thursday, February 24, 2011

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54
years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you
as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will
not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my
18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please
don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on
the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54
years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you
are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local
college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at
the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the
assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you
will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
difference, 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Todays Word!

Today's word is................. Fluctuations
I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke. 

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.  There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.  It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change?  Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.  Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" 

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."  The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too" 

 (You know you're laughing...)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

A little correctional humor

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "
"I used a diagram, your honor.
I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge.
Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: o O.
Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison.................

Monday, February 14, 2011


Some of my friends were bragging about the best gifts they have ever received on this day.. ...I too have always received Valentine's "things"  But I will have to say:                           HERE IS MY FAVORITE GIFT

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."  "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"  "Look around," said the saleslady.  As she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.  "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."   Relieved, the man asked about the types.

    The saleslady replied: "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.  Which one would you prefer?"  Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple.  
    The Catholic type Supports the masses; The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;  The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills." 


 Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?  If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

    (A} Almost Boobs...
    {B} Barely there...
    {C} Can't Complain!...
    {D} Dang!...
    {DD} Double dang!......
    {E} Enormous!...
    {F} Fake...
    {G} Get a Reduction...
    {H} Help me, I've fallen And I can't get up!...


    They forgot the German bra.