Thursday, May 19, 2011

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP



  1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.


  2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.


  3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.


  4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.


  5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.


  6. You watch the Weather Channel.


  7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."


  8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.


  9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."


10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.


11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.


12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.


13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.


14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.


15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.


16. You take naps.


17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.


18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.


19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.


20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."


21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.


22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."


23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.


24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.


25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit, what the hell happened?"


Bonus:


26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.


7 comments:

  1. I'm batting around .500 on this list, so I guess I still have some maturing to do.

    >>>You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

    At work a while ago, a Phil Collins song came on the radio and a 20-ish year old co-worker started singing along. I told her I was surprised she knew the words so well. She replied "Are you kidding? I love oldies!"

    Oldies! That's high school music for me!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Inno~ No, I don't like elevator music~ I still think it sucks.

    I love Phil Collins too~ I'm with you on that one. "Oldies" that was high school music for me too. So you and I both know we are NOT old

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh contraire, I prefer the Jimmy Buffet methodology...

    I'm growing older but not up
    My metobolic rate is pleasantly stuck
    Let the winds of time blow over my head
    I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Born Again~ Love your statement "I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins
    on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?
    Wonder no more ! ! !

    It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

    The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

    If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is
    deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

    The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

    "Freeze a jolly good fellow"

    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

    "Then they kick him in the ice hole."


    You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

    It's so easy to fool OLD people.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I must forward these to KIM Jong IL!

    ReplyDelete