Mom Update

My mother is out of rehab and back in the hospital. She's got blood clots in her lungs..She's really has been through alot over the last few months. They are treating her and making her as comfortable as they can. To be honest the Drs. don't have much hope for her to recover~ But I still have HOPE!

     My family is driving me CRAZY..really! The one's that has been to see her all of 2  times since she has been ill has all of a sudden started thinking they know what's best for mom...I really just want to SMACK a few of them.(being nice when I say smack here) Where the hell were they months ago? While the rest of us was working our asses off  trying to make sure she gets the best care possible around the clock.

Orangutan and the Hound

Orangutan and the Hound A friend of mine sent me this video~ I'm hoping it brings a smile to someone else :)

I think I wanna marry you

I have a female friend that has been married 7 Times...(TRUE STORY)  This song reminds me so much of her..

I'll Just call her Liz



The Taming of the Shrew Franco Zeffirelli Subtitulos Español Parte...

                                         In Memory of Elizabeth Taylor!

Every time I think of her this movie comes to mind..May she rest in Peace

CLASS MATES?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?

MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.  SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. 

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

'YES. YES, I DID.. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED. 

HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. 

THEN, THAT UGLY, BALD

WRINKLED,FAT

GRAY-HAIRED,

DECREPIT

SON-OF-A-B

ASKED

 

WHAT DID YOU TEACH ?

 

 

Town Meeting

    The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue. What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service. All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said; "Son, I don't think you understand our problem here... these coyotes ain't f**kin' our sheep... they're eatin' 'em!" The meeting never really got back to order. .

Happy St. Paddy's Day to You!!!

Red Neck Vacation

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther,

"Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation.  Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.  The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii .  I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me."

Mom's First Week of Rehab

My mother is hanging in there, the pneumonia part of her sickness is almost cleared up (Meaning her infection level has gone down)'Which is great! .However the sickness has brought on Dementia (Meaning She CRS ) for example walking, eating and just the basic taking care of herself. We had to move her to a nursing home for rehab,so she can get the intense therapy she needs to get back on the road to recovery  ( A difficult decision,  but its just a couple of minutes from my house) and their rehab staff  has had excellent results.

Mr Plunkin (OFNH)

 I've been with her everyday, I've met some interesting people there so far....and I think I got her a boyfriend lined up. I was calling him Pumpkin  Until I realized he was saying his name is Plunkin. and of course I'm taking pics.. (He's a sweet man always at the front of the facility waiting for me in the mornings with a smile on his face) Shhh! I don't think he knows he's my choice for her yet!

Irish Humor.

> Irish Alzheimer's
>
>
> Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when
> he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.
>
> After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, "Murphy, I am so glad
> ya decided to com e to Mass. What made ya com e?"
>
> Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I
> misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn
> had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also
> knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would
> leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion
> & steal McGlynn's hat."
>
> The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's
> hat. What changed your mind?"
>
> Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments,
> I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
>
> With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said; "After
> I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do
> without your hat than burn in Hell?"
>
> Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou
> Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat.
>
>
>
>

A Job is Open for the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an  assassin.
After all the background checks,  interviews
and testing were done, there were 3  finalists;
Two men and a woman.

For the final test,  the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door  and handed
Him a gun.

'We  must know that you will follow your
Instructions no matter  what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find  your wife sitting
In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'

The  man said, 'You can't be serious. I could
Never shoot my  wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right  man
For this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The  second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun  and went into the room. All was
Quiet for about 5  minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I  tried,
But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You  don't
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go  home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given  the
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took  the
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard,  one
After another. They heard screaming,  crashing,
Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all  was
Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood  the
Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is  loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to
Beat him to death  with the chair.'


MORAL:

Women get the job done.

Jaron And The Long Road To Love - Pray For You

REMINDER!

To

Say

Your

Prayers

50th Wedding Anniversary

A couple were celebrating 50 years together.  Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ....... 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient,
you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father.  "The important thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad.  I just flew in from  Los Angeles  between depositions and didn't have
time to shop for you."

"It's nothing," said the father.  "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter arrived.  "Hello and happy anniversary!  I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."

After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.  You see, we were very poor.  Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college.  Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"


"Yep," said the father.  "And cheap ones too."

Here's Your Sign!

Hilarious! Growing up without a cell phone

 
 
   If you are 36, or older, you might think this is hilarious!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!


      But now that I'm over the ripe old age of 29+(cough), I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.  You've got it so easy!  I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!  And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!
1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.  If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the  library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!  
2) There was no email!!  We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!  Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there!  Stamps were 10 cents!
3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us.  As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes!  If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!  There were no CD players!  We had tape decks in our car.  We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.  Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby!  Dig?
6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!  If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH !!!  Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!!  And then there's TEXTING.  Yeah, right.  Please!  You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!  It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!!  You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!  We had the Atari 2600!  With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'.  Your screen guy was a little square!  You actually had to use your imagination!!!  And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever!  And you could never win.  The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!  Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!  You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!!  NO REMOTES!!!  Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.  Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves.  If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!  Imagine that!



      13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long.  Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort.  And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!




      And car seats - oh, please!  Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on.  If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!  



      See!  That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten!  You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970   or any time before!
Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd

I'm afraid of Ghost

My Son has been going through a phase of getting up in the middle of the night saying that he see's ghost in his room. Ofcourse I assure him there is no such thing!

Growing up with so many sisters. We all had those same fears. But for us it went like this!

Me:  Mom  I had a bad dream

Mom:  What was it about?

Me:  I would then explain about the ghost coming in my window

Mom: Go back to sleep! Your sister had that same damn dream last week and she's OK.